I feel myself rupturing. Imploding into the depths within me. Tears fill up my eyes as I hold myself in a ball of frustration and disappointment. What have I accomplished? How did I let myself get so distracted? So off mission... but did I? Did I really get off track? Or is this exactly where I’m meant to be?
In all this confusion and dullness, I know the magic has never left me. It’s always here. Guiding me even deeper into myself to reclaim my divinity. To tune into my desires. To return home to my center. To collapse into my womb where all creative ideas are birthed. To remember my worthiness of bringing these ideas to life. To trust in my ability to touch the hearts of others, even through the messiness.
I’ll be completely raw with you all. I can’t say I like where I’m at. I don’t feel nearly as alive and inspired as I did back in Bali. I’m running out of money. I haven’t accomplished barely anything I intended to this trip. I’m trapped in a feeling of disappointment and failure. And yet, I can’t help but tune into the knowing within my heart that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
I have no idea how much longer my travels will last. I don’t want them to end. I crave to stay on mission. To continue following my heart on this open path. I crave to see my ideas through. To finish my book and share my gifts with the world. I crave to create a platform of service, aligned to my mission, that will support me financially but most importantly fulfill my souls burning desire to return others to their own divinity. I crave to witness myself awaken to my highest. To see myself through new lenses. To open my heart to more souls. To witness the endless beauty of mama Gaia.
I vow to myself and my hearts burning desires that I will continue forward.